I skipped work to stalk him.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
