6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
