Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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