If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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