Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
