I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
