I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
