dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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