he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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