it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
