I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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