Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
smell my finger.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize