Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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