My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
