she was so not down for the gang bang
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
