There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
