Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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