We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
