I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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