Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize