If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
