did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
