I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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