my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
