I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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