I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize