Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
