Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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