You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
