well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
