Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
