I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
