Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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