so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
