I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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