smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
