Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
