the day after is always just damage control
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
