3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
being pregnant is like rehab
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
