I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
