the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
