All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
