I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
