Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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