I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
