last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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