Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
