you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
