I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
