She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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