You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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