Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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