My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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