So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
