True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
