I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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