He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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