Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
