she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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