I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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