I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
