So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
