the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
