someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
