even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize