i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
