youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
